Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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