remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
