your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize