Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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