That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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