I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
