I can text with my tongue
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
