Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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