grandma shit on top of the toilet
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
