I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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