the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
