Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
