I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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