I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
