I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
