I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize