I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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