i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
