I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
