another moral hangover. fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize