I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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