I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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