a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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