Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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