Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
