If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
