Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
