Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
