nut hugger
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we're so committed to being not committed
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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