a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You have to summon your inner elephant
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
