Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I cut my penus on the lid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
