If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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