So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
