If that was your dad, he is hot
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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