I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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