yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
