Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
