I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
