I bet he comes in French.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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