I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
