Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
