i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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