Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
