remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
