My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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