that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
