hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
