Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
