i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
