the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
