He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
