He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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