You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
