Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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