Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
