you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
