he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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