The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
