Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
