Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
