I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
