I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
