I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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